Planet Haolewood

A toolbox, a change of underwear, and a surfboard.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


It’s come to our attention here at Planet Haolewood that there has been some cold weather on the mainland. Now we all know that temperature alone does not fully convey the reality of the weather experience. That’s why meteorologists came up with the concept of wind chill, which as most probably know, takes into consideration the added chilling effect of wind during cold weather. Then there’s the ‘heat index’ which takes into account the humidity to give a better idea of how hot it FEELS on a muggy day. While many people don’t think of Hawaii as ever getting really cold it can sometimes FEEL cold to those who live here and whose bodies are unaccustomed to drops in temperature. In order to convey the feeling of the weather as Hawaii residents experience it, we at Planet Haolewood have come up with a system we like to call the Hawaii Temperature Index. This is how it works: think of 70 degrees as zero degrees so that if the temperature were to fall down to say, 67 degrees, you would instead say the Hawaii temperature index was 3 degrees below zero. I think that gives a better picture of how we on Hawaii truly suffer when it gets cold. Now instead of thinking of us in Hawaii as basking in the sun and enjoying a carefree life while you on the mainland huddle inside and wait out ferocious winter storms, you can see that really we are all in the same boat.

My friends, I feel your pain. But together we can make it through the winter cold. I want to help so I have come up with a list of practical suggestions for what to do when it REALLY gets cold.

1. Start by turning off any fans that you may have on. No sense it bringing more outside air in if its cold out.

2. Close the door. (I don’t mean the screen door. I mean the ACTUAL door –with the lock and the handle and stuff) that will stop air flowing from outside.

3. Put on a shirt.

4. If you’re going into the ocean whether to surf, swim of snorkel, consider wearing a wetsuit. Sure the water’s not that cold, but if the breeze picks up you might get chilly without it.

I have found those four measures are more than adequate to deal with even the most extreme cold weather. However, for those of you who are especially sensitive to cold here are some additional measures you can take.

1. Try closing the windows. If it gets stuffy you can always open them again.

2. Put on long pants.

3. Wear closed-toed shoes. In extreme cases you may want to put on socks.

4. If you get cold in bed, you can put another sheet over yourself. If it gets really cold use a blanket. If YOU feel cold but your bedmate thinks you’re crazy you could try wearing pajamas. (anyone who has to go to such lengths probably IS crazy!)

If all that doesn’t keep you warm I don’t know what will! On a more serious note, I want to talk a little about global warming and our responsibilities as citizens of the earth. I realize that some people have become convinced of the necessity of artificially heating their homes. The people of Hawaii have set an example to the world by voluntarily choosing not to heat our homes with fossil fuels. In fact our homes don’t even have heaters! You may think that you will “freeze to death” if you don’t turn on your heater but people have been living here for hundreds of years without heaters and no one has ever frozen to death. So come on people! More and more of us have traded in gas-guzzlers for hybrids, why do so many continue to cling to their heaters? Just think of all the carbon emissions we could prevent if the whole world would follow the example that Hawaii so humbly sets. So suck it up, people! The next time you start feeling sorry for yourself about how cold and miserable you are just think about me here at Planet Haolewood heading out to go surfing in the middle of winter. Do you hear me complaining?


At 1/17/2007, Blogger Summer Pierre said...

It's 19 degrees her in New York. Just like the wind chill, you're trying to hurt us, aren't you?
I had a dream where you and i went camping in France together Boreas. We couldn't understand the language, but we made it to the campsite! Woohoo!

At 1/17/2007, Blogger Montano said...

Very facetious of you, Bor. I remember flying into SFO after over four months on the islands. I walked out into a (probably balmy) September evening in San Francisco, wearing a short-sleeve shirt, and I could not believe how cold it felt. I couldn't imagine how people would choose to live in such a place.

At 1/17/2007, Blogger BOR-ee-us said...

Dear Summer, I'm so sorry you're feeling chilly. The fact that you knew how cold it was indicates that you may be focusing too much on the temperature. I find people here in Hawaii seldom know or even care what the temperature is. I think its because they have their minds on higher, more spiritual matters. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter if its 19 degrees or 79 degrees?

PS Let's all go camping in France!


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