Planet Haolewood

A toolbox, a change of underwear, and a surfboard.

Friday, May 25, 2007

A Tale of Woe

Sometimes it is so much easier to see the sickness is other people’s interpersonal relationships when you are not involved. Surely we have all had the experience of watching a friend or relative continue in a relationship that clearly makes them unhappy but they seem blind to the fact that they are being used and manipulated and insist that he or she is “really a good person.”

It is with great sadness that I find my dear friends Robe and Supernova in this kind of lamentable situation with their new “friend,” Zipper. It all started about a year ago when Robe and Supernova were planning a honeymoon on Kauai and a visit to Planet Haolewood. Shortly before they were to arrive, Supernova called to tell me that she was having medical problems and would have to cancel their trip. It turns out these “medical problems” were actually caused by Zipper. I had never met him before but apparently his mere presence was so disruptive to Supernova’s health that she ended up being hospitalized. Happily, she recovered and I thought for sure that she and Robe would stay away from Zipper in the future but despite all the damage he had caused and Supernova’s own weakened condition they stood by Zipper and even nursed him through his own hospitalization. They are certainly kind and generous people but isn’t that going a little far?

But the saga of their unhealthy relationship with Zipper had only just begun. Instead of going back to wherever he came from upon release from the hospital, Zipper moved in with Supernova and Robe. To this day he pays no rent, does not even have a job and shows no consideration for his hosts’ privacy or need for sleep.

Despite this ogre’s intrusion into their lives Supernova and Robe still managed to plan a trip to Kauai to make up for last year. Of course Zipper has become so enmeshed in every facet of the lives now that they even brought him along on the very trip they had had to cancel thanks to him.

When I finally met Zipper in person the situation was even worse than I had imagined. He is possibly the most selfish, inconsiderate person I have ever met. He refuses to walk anywhere on his own, insisting that Robe or Supernova carry him. His communication skills are abominable. Instead of asking politely for what he wants or even using coherent sentences he simply screams, leaving Supernova and Robe to guess what he wants. He’s clearly suffering from some kind of severe mood disorder and insists on engaging in strange sexual encounters with Supernova several times a day often in public! Robe just stares on and seems to be pretending that nothing unusual is going on.

Most distressing of all is how Supernova and Robe indulge him. I never once saw them assert their needs to Zipper instead they seem preoccupied with keeping him happy. Whatever happened to healthy boundaries?

It’s crystal clear that Supernova and Robe are in a complete state of denial. They see nothing wrong with Zipper’s outrageous behavior or with the totally one-sided nature of their relationship. They naively maintain that he will “grow out” of the “stage” that he is in. Will they ever learn?


At 5/30/2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 5/31/2007, Anonymous Judy said...

On top of everything else: Zipper is DRUNK ALL THE TIME. Can't walk, drooling everywhere, groping everyone in sight....

At 6/20/2007, Anonymous Supernova said...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CARRYING ZIPPER! I like it, I swear. And as to communication, he just has his own special way. Really we don't NEED sleep anyway . . .
Supernova (nice names, by the way!)


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