A Tale of Woe

Sometimes it is so much easier to see the sickness is other people’s interpersonal relationships when you are not involved. Surely we have all had the experience of watching a friend or relative continue in a relationship that clearly makes them unhappy but they seem blind to the fact that they are being used and manipulated and insist that he or she is “really a good person.”

It is with great sadness that I find my dear friends Robe and Supernova in this kind of lamentable situation with their new “friend,” Zipper. It all started about a year ago when Robe and Supernova were planning a honeymoon on Kauai and a visit to Planet Haolewood. Shortly before they were to arrive, Supernova called to tell me that she was having medical problems and would have to cancel their trip. It turns out these “medical problems” were actually caused by Zipper. I had never met him before but apparently his mere presence was so disruptive to Supernova’s health that she ended up being hospitalized. Happily, she recovered and I thought for sure that she and Robe would stay away from Zipper in the future but despite all the damage he had caused and Supernova’s own weakened condition they stood by Zipper and even nursed him through his own hospitalization. They are certainly kind and generous people but isn’t that going a little far?

But the saga of their unhealthy relationship with Zipper had only just begun. Instead of going back to wherever he came from upon release from the hospital, Zipper moved in with Supernova and Robe. To this day he pays no rent, does not even have a job and shows no consideration for his hosts’ privacy or need for sleep.

Despite this ogre’s intrusion into their lives Supernova and Robe still managed to plan a trip to Kauai to make up for last year. Of course Zipper has become so enmeshed in every facet of the lives now that they even brought him along on the very trip they had had to cancel thanks to him.

When I finally met Zipper in person the situation was even worse than I had imagined. He is possibly the most selfish, inconsiderate person I have ever met. He refuses to walk anywhere on his own, insisting that Robe or Supernova carry him. His communication skills are abominable. Instead of asking politely for what he wants or even using coherent sentences he simply screams, leaving Supernova and Robe to guess what he wants. He’s clearly suffering from some kind of severe mood disorder and insists on engaging in strange sexual encounters with Supernova several times a day often in public! Robe just stares on and seems to be pretending that nothing unusual is going on.

Most distressing of all is how Supernova and Robe indulge him. I never once saw them assert their needs to Zipper instead they seem preoccupied with keeping him happy. Whatever happened to healthy boundaries?

It’s crystal clear that Supernova and Robe are in a complete state of denial. They see nothing wrong with Zipper’s outrageous behavior or with the totally one-sided nature of their relationship. They naively maintain that he will “grow out” of the “stage” that he is in. Will they ever learn?

Isn't it Romantic?

Happy first anniversary to Robdromeda! Can you believe it's been a year already?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

When I moved to Hawaii it was such a big change and I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Am I moving there for just a little while or for good?” Of course I didn’t know the answer so to avoid wasting my time worrying about it I made a deal with myself: I would stay for a year before making any decisions. There were no consequences if I broke the deal, however. If after a month I was ready to go back there was nothing to stop me. A year just seemed like a reasonable length of time to give a new place a try since I had spent some energy and money in moving.

That was exactly one year ago. About the only decision I feel prepared to make is that I ‘m not moving back to California or any where else TODAY. I’m tempted to make another deal to stay another year and THEN see how I feel. I liked having a year off from worrying about the future. So why not take another year off? Call me greedy but I’m inclined instead take the rest of my life off. So here’s my new deal. If I wake up tomorrow and feel like staying here then I will. If and when the day comes when I no longer feel that way, then I’ll go somewhere else. Some people call that living “one day at a time.”

Why Waikiki?

If you’ve ever been to Hawaii you’ve probably been to the island of Oahu, even if only to wait around at the Honolulu airport. Some interesting facts about Oahu: while it is only about %10 larger than Kauai, it has 15 times as many people living there and gets 4 times as many tourists. And then there’s Waikiki, a strange square mile separated from the rest of Honolulu by a canal and made up entirely of high rise hotels, gift shops and restaurants. %44 of the tourists in the entire state of Hawaii stay in Waikiki on any given night and for one evening which I hope to never repeat I joined them.

I could go on and on about how much Waikiki sucks but what’s the point? And if it’s so terrible why do so many more people choose to got there than any other place in the Hawaiian islands? I think its just one of those things I will never understand.

The traffic reminded me of California. The beaches were crowded and even though there were very few waves while I was there the line-ups had more surfers sitting around than I’ve seen on the best days for surfing on Kauai. I will say that I liked everywhere on Oahu I went outside of Honolulu and Waikiki. But on the whole, I was glad to return to The Garden Island.